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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024967">who are you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingfire/pseuds/chasingfire'>chasingfire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Half of It (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Aster Flores - Freeform, College, Ellie Chu - Freeform, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Love Letters, Slow Burn, The Half Of It - Freeform, aster is in loVE, ellie is still a useless lesbian, slow build up (my apologies), they both don't know what they're doing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:07:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingfire/pseuds/chasingfire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two and a half years after Ellie leaves Squahamish, she receives a letter from the one and only Aster Flores.<br/>It was supposed to be one letter, but one turned into two and two turned into a  reconnection; one that they had both been longing for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie Chu &amp; Aster Flores, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>439</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey! i absolutely loved the half of it and completely fell in love with aster &amp; ellie. so here's a fic, enjoy (:</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t the most entertaining way to spend a Thursday night on campus; alone, quiet and working on yet another assignment, but Ellie didn’t mind. In fact, she was still the same introverted girl she was back in Squahamish.</p><p>It was quite... nerve-racking, awkward, uncomfortable even? To start college and move into the student residences at Grinnell. It didn’t come as a surprise to Ellie that after a year, that felt like a decade, she <em>finally</em> started to feel a little less like an outcast.</p><p>A rapid knock on the door made Ellie startle, putting her laptop aside and sighing. “Who’s there?”</p><p>“Knock knock,” sounded the voice of her roommate behind the door, before the girl appeared in the door opening.</p><p>Jordan Lawrence had been her roommate ever since Ellie came to Grinnell. At first, Ellie was kind of intimidated by the girl, not because she looked good (she had dark hair falling just over her shoulder, piercing blue eyes and a great sense for style... <em>okay,</em> maybe the looks were part of the intimidation) but because she was extremely cold and mysterious.</p><p>After Ellie stood up for her during a wrong accusation that would otherwise have led to Jordan being expelled, things changed, the cold personality turned into a kind one around the girl from Squahamish.</p><p>They were friends now... kind of. Or well, Jordan was the only person Ellie could actually have a good conversation and hang out with around here.</p><p>Ellie’s eyes averted themselves to the letter in Jordan’s hand and then looked at her roommate in confusion. “You received a letter?”</p><p>After having dazed off and finally realizing that Ellie asked her a question, Jordan nodded and held up the letter. “Yeah.” She then shook her head and walked up to Ellie. “Or well, actually it’s for you. I was checking my inbox... but had nothing, yours had this letter though. It doesn’t say who wrote it, it’s sealed.”</p><p>With her mind quickly filling itself up with tons of scenarios about the letter, Ellie quickly snatched it from Jordan’s hand. Her eyes scanned the envelope, recognizing the handwriting but not quite finding a name or face to it.</p><p>Just when Ellie was about to start opening the envelope, her roommate had to interrupt. “Just... wait. I need to sit comfortably,” Jordan said, grabbing a Red Bull and sitting down on the bed across from Ellie’s, face resting on her palm as she looked at her with a grin.</p><p>Ellie rolled her eyes in annoyance, before letting out a light chuckle. “Do you really have to be here?”</p><p>Her roommate nodded excitedly, taking a sip from her energy drink. “Of course. I want to know who this mysterious <em>Romeo</em> is.”</p><p><em>Right, </em>Ellie still needed to tell Jordan about her... <em>preferences</em>.</p><p>“Well then, here goes nothing.”</p><p>Ellie subtly opened the paper, carefully taking out the letter and smoothing it out. Her eyes widened when she looked at the bottom of the letter, suddenly realizing why the handwriting looked so familiar, this wasn’t just a letter from someone, this was a letter written by <em>Aster Flores</em>.</p><p>“Ellie, you okay? What’s up? Is it a death threat?”</p><p>Ellie looked up at Jordan, who in her turn looked at her with a frown. Ellie started stammering. “I... I uh... well. It’s a uh... letter from someone I had a good connection with back in high school.”<br/><br/><em>A good connection? Really, Ellie?</em></p><p>“<em>Ah</em>.” Jordan said, before pointing at the paper in Ellie’s hands. “So... read it.”</p><p>Ellie felt her eyes widen yet again. “Out loud?”</p><p>“Duh.”</p><p>A nervous gulp and more terrifying scenarios later, Ellie decided to just get it on with, but not before clearing her throat first. She didn’t even remember starting, completely in trance of the words written on that one piece of paper.</p><p>
  <em>“Dear Ellie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s been... a while. This isn’t my first attempt at writing you this letter, I may have tried it thrice before. This one felt different though. Where should I even start? Well, I’m in Seattle right now, studying art. I actually used the painting I showed you back in Squahamish as a submission piece, they told me it looked impressive. Lonely... but hopeful, remember? The city life is so refreshing, since all I’d ever known was that little town. People here have actual stories, depth and an open mind that I wish my family had. It wouldn’t surprise you if I told you that my father can barely look me in the eye anymore, but that’s a story for another time. I made some new friends here, only two actually, but that’s something, right? They are both so different from me, but at the same time, we’re so alike. I’m slowly finding myself here. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you this out of nowhere. A week or so ago, I started rereading the remains of the day, it made me think of you. It made me think of what happened between us. I found myself missing you, missing the person who gets me. You asked me what’s the boldest stroke I could make? I first thought it was following my heart and get into art school, but while writing this, I feel like writing you after two and a half years is even bolder. How are you doing, heathen? I hope life’s treating you kindly and that your insanely smart mind is doing wonders over there. I hope you found something good to believe in. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll see you again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Aster”</em>
</p><p>Ellie didn’t even remember dropping the letter until Jordan mentioned it, giving her no time to process what she just read. “That was... deep.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ellie breathed out. “Totally.”</p><p>“Want a sip?” her roommate asked, handing her the Red Bull can.</p><p>Ellie nodded quietly, immediately accepting the energy drink and taking a giant sip, before handing it back.</p><p><em>How could Aster do this to her?</em> It was like she felt herself falling in love with the brunette all over again, all because of <em>one letter</em>.</p><p>“So...” Jordan started, laying back on her bed and facing Ellie. “Sounds like you guys were really close friends. What happened?”</p><p>Ellie shrugged, trying to keep it cool. “We went our separate ways.”</p><p>“Okay, but how can you go from being really close, to some random letter after like three years. That doesn’t add up, miss Ellie Chu.”</p><p>“I uh...”</p><p>“What aren’t you telling me, hmm?” The raven-haired girl asked, raising an eyebrow at her.</p><p>After a deep sigh, Ellie started explaining the whole story. From Paul’s love letter she wrote to that time she kissed Aster. It was enough to leave her roommate with an open mouth.</p><p>“This sounds like a goddamn movie. Why didn’t you try to contact her, you fool?”</p><p>“I told her I’d see her in a couple of years!” Ellie defended herself in response.</p><p>“And that time has passed. Please tell me you’re going to write her back, go back home for spring break and ask her to hang out...” Jordan pouted.</p><p>“Who says she wants that?” Ellie sighed, looking out of the window.</p><p>“I do. Trust me, I know when I see love somewhere, and this is one of those moments.”</p><p>“How would you know anything about love?” Ellie scoffed, turning her attention back to her roommate.</p><p>“Excuse me? I have a lot of experience with love.”</p><p>“Right... and that’s why you’re still single.”</p><p>“You’re unbelievable,” Jordan groaned. “Just listen to your only friend here for once. Just start by... writing her back.”</p><p>“What if she doesn’t want me to write her back?”</p><p>“She literally asked you how you were doing and wrote that she missed you. It’s obvious that girl is still crazy about you but you’re just such a chaotic... <em>gay</em>.” Suddenly, it seemed as if Jordan had some sort of epiphany. “Wait... you’re gay. I’m so happy and proud, oh my god. Come here.”</p><p>Ellie smiled at her roommate, quickly walking into her arms and sharing an embrace. After pulling away, Jordan gave her a pat on the head. “How cute. I’m gonna go and hang with some other nerds now, if you don’t mind.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure.” Ellie said, watching her as she left the room, but not before she peaked her head through the door crack again.</p><p>“Write that letter, Chu.”</p><p>“Yes ma’am.”</p><p>“Don’t say that.”</p><p>“Fine. See you.”</p><p>“See you.”</p><p>Right after the door closed, Ellie decided to call Paul. She needed his help. Not that he was good with words, or anything at all except for making taco sausages, but she needed the support and comfort.<br/><br/>After a few rings, Paul finally picked up.</p><p><em>“Ellie Chu, what an honor.”</em> </p><p>A snorted laughter came from Ellie, before she responded. “Hi, moron.”<br/><br/><em>“Still pissed that I ran after you?”</em></p><p>“Not anymore. How’s my dad doing?”</p><p>
  <em>“Still great, full back in working mode. Wait... why are you calling? You rarely ever do?”</em>
</p><p>“I...” Ellie started nervously. “I received a letter.”</p><p>
  <em>“From who?”</em>
</p><p>“You know who.”</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know who, Ellie Chu.”</em>
</p><p>“Ha ha, what a rhyme. But, you <em>do</em> know.”</p><p>
  <em>“How would I-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wait... is it who I think it is?”</em>
</p><p>“Mhm.” Ellie said, nodding with the phone plastered to her ear.</p><p>
  <em>“Aster.”</em>
</p><p>“It’s crazy, dude. I haven’t talked to her in forever and she writes me out of nowhere. It was so beautiful though, she still uses her words as if-”</p><p>
  <em>“You’re rambling. Anyways, you want my advice? Write her back.”</em>
</p><p>“Yeah, because that went so well last time.”</p><p>
  <em>“You’re not pretending to be Paul Munsky now. You’re you.”</em>
</p><p>“I don’t know...”</p><p>
  <em>“Look...” she heard Paul sigh on the other end of the line. “What did she write?”</em>
</p><p>“About her life now, she asked how I was doing and said that she missed me, I guess.”</p><p>
  <em>“Well, do you miss her?”</em>
</p><p>“Of course I do. I was hopelessly in love with her back in Squahamish."</p><p>
  <em>“Well, then there’s your answer.”</em>
</p><p>It took Ellie a few seconds, thinking about Paul’s advice, before she gave in. “You’re right. I’ll be back home for spring break, by the way.”</p><p>
  <em>“See, just listen to the great Munsky. And I can’t wait to see you again.”</em>
</p><p>“Yeah, neither can I.”</p><p>
  <em>“Great. See you soon, okay?”</em>
</p><p>“Yes, Paul Munsky. See you soon.”</p><p>A quiet chuckle escaped her mouth as she shook her head and thought of her friend. He was still the same and she loved that about him.</p><p>After hesitating for a few minutes, thinking back about the moments she shared with Aster, Ellie decided to grab a notepad. Once the pen hit the paper, Ellie knew there was no going back. It felt familiar, yet strange. But when Aster Flores writes you, you write back, right?</p><p>And that’s what Ellie did.</p><p>
  <em>“Dear Aster...” </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. freedom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aster could never get tired of the amazing view of her campus’ courtyard. The giant fountain, blooming flowers, classic buildings and the pure peace it all radiated. She sat here at least a few times a week, if it wasn’t with her friends, she’d gladly sit here alone. Reading a book, working on an art piece, studying, it was calmness and the fresh, open air that made it even better.</p><p>The end of another workweek had arrived, and although the sun had begin to set, Aster didn’t leave her favorite spot. Normally she probably would have, but she was joined by one of the friends she had made around two years ago.</p><p>“You know, when we first met I thought you were just another basic girl. But there’s so much more to you, I love that.” Miles said, looking straight ahead of him as he took a drag on his cigarette.</p><p>Aster could feel herself frown at the sudden comment he made. “That was... random. But... thanks.”</p><p>He turned to her and laughed lightly. “You’re welcome, <em>cariño</em>.”</p><p>Aster returned the response with a genuine smile. Miles. Miles Davies. An - on first glance - outcast, but after a week of having classes with him and working on a project together, Aster learned more about the boy. They were so much more alike than she first thought. Miles had told her about how his father moved to the States all the way from Nigeria, for a better life. He met Miles’ mother there and got two children with her, Miles being the oldest. He shared his experiences throughout his youth and high school; always being picked on for being biracial, for being different, for having an unusual style and presence in the small town he grew up in. But instead of trying to fit in, he stayed true to himself, which led him to eventually come here.</p><p>He described it as <em>freedom. </em>A word that exactly described what Aster felt when she moved here.</p><p>“Chloe has been gone for twenty minutes, does checking a mailbox take <em>that</em> long?” Aster sighed, resting her head on Miles shoulder, who in his turn, stubbed out his cigarette.</p><p>“Come on, Aster. You know how that goes... that girl doesn’t go a day without ordering dumb shit.”</p><p>They both started to laugh at that, Aster closing her eyes while doing so.</p><p>It wasn’t even a minute or two later, when a voice broke their conversation.</p><p>“Guess what came in today?”</p><p>Aster and Miles both turned around to be met with the bright appearance whose name was Chloe Loomis. Aster didn’t really know how to describe her roommate. Very American? Very... bright? Smarter than she looks and oh yeah, the blonde has a heart of gold. It’s one of the reasons why Aster got along with her so well.</p><p>Miles was the first one to speak up, trying to find out what the girl hid behind her back. “New shoes?”</p><p>Chloe rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head. “No, silly. I don’t even order those every month.”</p><p>“You do, though,” Aster chimed in, flashing the girl a grin.</p><p>“Maybe...” The blonde admitted in a quiet moment of realization, before she showed the two a framed picture. “It’s the three of us. Back at <em>ArtWeek</em> in Boston last year.”</p><p>Aster felt her heart warm at the sight, trying her best not to get emotional in this moment, but focus on appreciating it instead. “That’s so cute. It feels like forever ago.”</p><p>“My favorite photo of us,” Miles smiled, studying the framed picture.</p><p>“Same,” Chloe agreed, suddenly pointing a finger at Aster. “<em>You</em>. There was a letter in our mailbox, addressed at you.”</p><p>Aster looked at her wide-eyed, her eyes moving between Chloe and the letter in the blonde’s hand as she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.</p><p>
  <em>Ellie wrote back? </em>
</p><p>“Why do you look like some serial killer wrote you?” Chloe laughed at her, handing her the letter.</p><p>Aster shook her head, coming back to her senses. “It’s just... I didn’t expect a letter back.”</p><p>Miles suddenly peaked his head over Aster’s shoulder. “Is it from who I think it is?”</p><p>“The ex-crush who kissed you and never contacted you again?” Chloe mentioned, looking at both Aster and Miles.</p><p>“Don’t say that. I had to first find myself... who I really am. Now that I’m almost there, I’ve been longing to talk to her again. But... she probably doesn’t feel that way about me anymore, right?” Aster smiled sadly, her fingertips lightly brushing the handwriting on the envelope.</p><p>“Hey, chin up.” Chloe said, a hint of encouragement behind her words. “She wrote you back. Who knows what she wrote in that letter? Hell, maybe she even wants to see you.”</p><p>“I say we show Aster Flores some emotional support and read the letter together... over a few drinks though. How does that sound?” Miles suggested, standing up and holding out a hand for Aster.</p><p>After a few seconds of hesitation, Aster jokingly rolled her eyes and took his hand. “Thanks, guys.”</p><p>--</p><p>A hectic walk later, the three finally arrived at their favorite destination in the city; the rooftop bar.</p><p>As they casually took their seats and ordered their drinks, Miles didn’t waste a moment on bringing up the letter again. “So... when are we reading it?”</p><p>“I say we do it right now,” Chloe said, looking at Aster with a grin.</p><p>“Here?” Aster asked anxiously. Yeah, her friends knew about Ellie. It wasn’t like Aster never talked about her. Miles even helped her come to terms with her sexuality, being pansexual himself, he did everything he could to help Aster find that part of herself.</p><p><em>That</em> wasn’t what she’s afraid of, it was the letter itself. The yet unknown scared her, but maybe she wanted it to remain unknown, part of her fearing that Ellie’s response would be negative.</p><p>“What’s the worst that could happen, Aster?” Miles asked from beside her, giving her a soft pat on the shoulder.</p><p>“Right,” Aster breathed out, accepting that the worst case scenario probably wouldn’t happen. She just knew that Ellie would never do something like that. Aster’s eyes were fully focused on the envelope though, not being able to open it.</p><p>“You want Miles to read it out loud for you? Or me?” Chloe suggested, meeting Aster’s eyes.</p><p>Aster nodded quietly, handing the letter to Miles.</p><p>With eyes closed, and taking a deep breath beforehand (she had literally no idea why she did it), Aster listened as Miles’ deep voice began to read the words.</p><p>
  <em>“Dear Aster,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s surely been a while. I didn’t expect this, it even felt odd. After I finished reading though, it felt as if I was back in Squahamish. I started reminiscing about all the memories we’d made, about how I could never keep my eyes off of you, how in a class with numerous different voices, yours would always stand out and how every single night, I managed to go to sleep with a smile on my face, knowing that I’d see you again the next day. I have to admit that writing me was a bold stroke, but I’m sure that your boldest stroke is yet to be made. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well, that you’re finding yourself there and that you’re not alone. How am I doing? My grades are just fine and I’m not alone either... my roommate actually became my friend, an accomplishment, right? And of course there’s Paul back in Squahamish. Is this the right moment to tell you that I’m going back for spring break? I don’t know if you’ll also be back, but if you are, then maybe we could... hang out? Anyways, this letter is getting way too long. Here are some things I still have to say: I’m proud of you, not just proud, but proud of how you’ve accepted the path you’re taking, knowing that you will take many falls, but always will get back up again. And most importantly; I miss you too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hopefully I’ll see you soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ellie Chu.”</em>
</p><p>Aster wasn’t the only one who remained silent for the following seconds. Her friends stared at each other, exchanging glances and mouthing some words.</p><p>“What is it?” Aster interrupted, raising an eyebrow at the both of them.</p><p>“This...” Miles said, pointing at the letter in is hand. “Is so beautifully written. I can see why you’re in love with her.”</p><p>“I am <em>not</em> in love with her,” Aster scoffed in defense, the butterflies that flowed through her body speaking differently.</p><p>“You <em>so</em> are,” Chloe chuckled, a wink following after. “You’ll come back from spring break like a fool in love. Bet?”</p><p>“Who says I’m going back to Squahamish?” Aster shot back.</p><p>“We do. And if you’re not going yourself, I guess we’ll just have to drag you there,” Miles shrugged, taking a sip from his wine.</p><p>Aster knew she wanted to do this badly. She wanted to see Ellie, she wanted to be able to talk to her, laugh with her, look at her and more things that she couldn’t get out of her head right now.</p><p>“Then I’m going back to Squahamish.”</p><p>“Yes!” Chloe and Miles both exclaimed, high fiving each other.</p><p>“Should I write her back again?”</p><p>“Of course,” Miles said as Chloe agreed with an <em>‘absolutely.’</em></p><p>A smile appeared on Aster’s face as she realized what had happened. She was reconnecting with Ellie Chu, with the only person ever who saw her for who she really was. In exactly a week she’d be driving to Squahamish, back to the small town where their story had begun, and where a new chapter would be created.</p><p>That night she was wide awake, staring out of the window, and the more she focused on the stars, the more appeared. They were infinite, uncountable.</p><p>It was now more than ever in those past few years, that Aster wished she was with Ellie. Because the world was asleep, but her thoughts weren’t.</p><p>So she put her knees up to her chest, thinking and thinking... and thinking, not knowing that over in Grinnell, Ellie Chu was also sleepless, hopefully wishing that she’d soon see Aster again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for all the comments and kudos already, i'm kinda overwhelmed lol. i really appreciate it.</p><p>i wanted to give both their point of views as they received the letters. next chapter they'll see each other again and the chapters will be a bit longer. it will probably take more time to get it done, but it will come, i promise. </p><p>let me know what you think! and if you have any ideas, throw it out in the open (:</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. so we meet again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spring break had finally arrived. Ellie couldn’t wait to see her father and Paul again... and, <em>hopefully</em>, Aster.</p><p>After receiving yet another letter from Aster, Ellie didn’t know what to do, what to say or how to think. She let it be, the last week before spring break being a dreading long one. Yet she still wondered if she shouldn’t have just wrote back again. What would Aster think of her now? What if she blew every chance of ever seeing Aster again?</p><p>Millions of questions crossed her mind as she traveled from Grinnell to Squahamish. The five hour flight had already drained all her energy and on top of that she still had to travel by train for yet another hour.</p><p>It did give her the time to think about all the things she wanted to do this upcoming week. That was until a whistle sounded, though.</p><p>Ellie shot right up, looking around her in fear as she realized that she had fallen asleep and that this was the final whistle before the train would depart from Squahamish.</p><p>With all eyes on her, she pushed her way through the train looking for an exit. When she found it outside of the compartment, she quickly stepped onto the platform as she carried her luggage with her.</p><p>While she heard the train head to the next station, her eyes finally found Paul. Ellie couldn’t repress a smile when she saw him. A few seconds later, Paul’s strong arms were wrapped around her body. A laugh escaped her mouth once she pulled away, looking at the white plastic bag that was in his hand.</p><p>She didn’t even have to look inside to know what it was. <em>Paul and his damn taco sausages. </em>“Let me guess... taco sausages?”</p><p>A smile appeared on Paul’s face as he nodded enthusiastically. “I thought we could have it as dinner with your dad.”</p><p>Ellie quickly looked to the side, only to be met with her dad waving from behind the glass. She quietly chuckled while shaking her head before making her way to her house. “You coming?”</p><p>Paul nodded quickly, following her as she stepped inside of the house. The smell of home surrounded her, it was familiar... nice. Ellie immediately made herself comfortable and got some plates for the taco sausages.</p><p>After being greeted by her dad, the three sat down in front of the television, where Ellie’s dad continued watching yet another film while eating Paul’s creation with an amusing look on his face.</p><p>Ellie switched some glances between her father and Paul, loving how it felt like she’d never been gone. This week would be exactly what she needed.</p><p>“Dad?” she asked quietly.</p><p>He kept looking at the television, putting a finger to his lips. “<em>Shh</em>. Best part.”</p><p>Ellie sighed with a small smile, <em>nothing had changed.</em></p><p>Motioning for Paul to follow her after dinner, Ellie climbed up the stairs to her room and, without a second of doubt, crashed down onto her bed. “I’m <em>exhausted</em>.”</p><p>“I see,” Paul said, sitting on the ground and facing Ellie. “You know I could just go so you can get some sleep, right?”</p><p>Ellie immediately faced him, looking at him sternly. “No. I need some company.”</p><p>Paul put his hands up in defense. “Okay then.” He looked around the room, before averting his gaze to Ellie. “How does it feel to be back?”</p><p>Ellie felt herself shrug at that. “Don’t know. Feels like I’ve never even left.”</p><p>“That’s... good. Right?” Paul asked, flashing her an unsure smile.</p><p>“Of course it is...” Ellie spoke quietly. “I see the taco sausage is still a success?”</p><p>“Mhm.” Paul nodded. “It’s one of the best selling recipes.”</p><p>“Now <em>that’s</em> something to be proud of,” Ellie said, looking over at him with a grin.</p><p>Their conversation suddenly got interrupted by a loud buzz coming from Ellie’s phone.</p><p>Both their eyes landed on the mobile device, looking at each other with wide eyes. After a few seconds of silence and complete frozenness, Ellie grabbed her phone.</p><p><strong> <b>DiegaRivero: </b> </strong> <em>Meet me here at 8 pm. </em> <em> <span class="u">47° 39' 32.4'' N 191° 55' 32.587" W</span> </em></p><p>“Oh. My. <em>God</em>.” Ellie heard herself say.</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>Ellie looked up from her phone. “... Aster.”</p><p>Paul’s eyes widened once again, moving to sit next to Ellie on the bed. “What does the text say?”</p><p>Ellie quickly showed him the message, a frown appearing on Paul’s face as he read it. “So... she wants to see you.”</p><p>“I...” Ellie trailed off. “I think so?”</p><p>“Let’s see where those coordinates lead to,” Paul snatched the phone from Ellie’s hand and started searching for the location. Once he found it, he raised a brow. “Even <em>I</em> don’t know where this is. It’s out of town.”</p><p>Ellie grabbed her phone back, analyzing the location Paul had found through the coordinates. “It looks like a wooded area. Wait... how does she even expect me to get there?”</p><p>“I’ll drive you!” Paul immediately said, looking for Ellie to agree to his offer.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes, of course.”</p><p>Paul Munsky. She didn’t deserve him and his kind soul. Yet here he was, through everything. Ellie didn’t know if there was anything she’d ever been more grateful for.</p><p>After rapidly getting ready and jumping into the car, the two began to drive towards the location Aster had sent her.</p><p>“Remember,” Ellie started. “I want to be there five minutes beforehand. I need to prepare myself.”</p><p>“You’re still crushing on her aren’t you?” Paul grinned, looking at her from behind the steering wheel.</p><p>“Shut up, Munsky.”<br/>
<br/>
“So you’re not denying it?”</p><p>“I am,” Ellie scoffed at him.</p><p>“You suck at lying, you know that?” Paul laughed, making a turn to the right.</p><p>“Why don’t you just focus on the road, hmm?” Ellie shot back, chuckling after.</p><p>They sat in silence for a while until Paul started slowing down and eventually came to a stop. A few street lights showed the woods around them, a slight glimpse of a lake nearby and an open spot that was probably used for camping or fishing.</p><p>Ellie’s mind instantly wandered back to that day at the hot spring. She still couldn’t believe how she made such a fool of herself, but Aster didn’t even seem to judge her for it. Instead she looked comfortable around Ellie, which Ellie still found weird, considering how chaotic she was.</p><p>She still remembers how her breath got stuck in her throat, all because of the beauty that was Aster Flores. Looking at her was magical, seeing her smile was wonderful and hearing her laugh was just... <em>incredible</em>.</p><p>“Ellie?”</p><p>Within a second, Ellie came back to reality. “W-What?”</p><p>“We’re here. Aster will be here in less than five minutes,” Paul said, motioning with his eyes for her to hurry up.</p><p>She got the hint, quickly getting up and opening the door to step out of the vehicle. Before closing the door though, she had to talk to Paul one last time. “Thank you for doing this.”</p><p>“Anything for you,” he smiled back at her. “Now go.”</p><p>Ellie closed the door and walked away from the car, turning around as she watched Paul drive off. When he was out of sight, Ellie started looking around. The place was... peaceful.</p><p>She wondered if it was only like this at night, or if-</p><p>The quiet was replaced by the sound of a car, then a car door closing which later was followed by footsteps. Ellie knew who it was, of course she did. A deep breath, closed eyes and a turn of 180 degrees all found place in a span of five seconds.</p><p>
  <em>Now open your eyes, you moron.</em>
</p><p>The footsteps stopped and Ellie felt her eyes open.</p><p>The same dark locks, the same dark eyes that made Ellie’s heart flutter. That classic bone structure, a colorful red dress with a black jacket that covered the dress partly... Ellie didn’t really know where to look now, completely in awe of the girl she’d last seen two and a half years ago.</p><p>Ellie noticed how the girl in front of her began fumbling with her fingers and wondered if she was nervous.</p><p>
  <em>That couldn’t be it, right?</em>
</p><p>It felt like minutes had passed, but in reality it were only a few seconds.</p><p>“Uh...” Ellie said, looking down shyly. “Hi?”</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>The sound of Aster’s voice made her eyes shoot up, just on time to catch the brunette nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.</p><p>Ellie couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face while the scene found place, meeting Aster’s mesmerizing eyes after. “It’s... good to see you.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Aster breathed out. “You too.”</p><p>An awkward silence fell between them. Aster then turned to point at her car. “I brought some blankets with me, wanna sit by the lake?”</p><p>“Definitely,” Ellie spoke as she followed the girl towards the car.</p><p>Aster threw her some blankets, holding a backpack and another blanket herself. She quickly locked the car and started walking. “Let’s go.”</p><p>After a short walk through the woods, they managed to place the blankets on the sand by the lake, sitting down right beside each other. Ellie didn’t really know how to act around the girl right now, but decided to just wait for Aster to talk.</p><p>A few seconds later, she did. “You never wrote back.”</p><p>Ellie completely froze at the comment. “I uh... I-I didn’t know what to say.”</p><p>The soft laugh that left Aster’s body, was enough for Ellie to relax again.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Aster spoke quietly. “Maybe I wouldn’t even have received it before spring break.”</p><p>“True,” Ellie agreed, looking straight ahead of her with a feeling of temporary happiness. “I never thought this day would come.”</p><p>From the corner of her eye she noticed how Aster frowned at her. “Why not?”</p><p>Ellie shrugged, finding the courage to look into the brunette’s eyes. “I just thought you’d forget about me. It wouldn’t have surprised me.”</p><p>“How could I ever forget about you?”</p><p>The smile that danced on Aster’s lips was one Ellie had seen before. It made her feel all whole inside, just like it did the last time she saw Aster. For a moment Ellie swore she even saw the brunette looking at her lips... so she looked away again, completely aware of Aster’s lip bite in the corner of her eye. It was followed by a short glimpse of disappointment.</p><p>Aster quickly pulled it together again. “How’s Paul?”</p><p>“Good. Taco sausage business going strong... he looks happy,” Ellie answered genuinely.</p><p>“That’s great to hear.”</p><p>Ellie immediately turned to face her with a grin. “Why does it sound like you’re being sarcastic?”</p><p>Aster opened her mouth in disbelief and laughed. “I’m not!”</p><p>“I know,” Ellie said, assuring Aster that it was all okay.</p><p>“Thank god,” Aster chuckled with a hint of relief.</p><p>“You still believe?” Ellie asked with a more serious tone.</p><p>It took Aster a while to say something, before she shrugged and opened her mouth. “If I’m being honest, I really don’t know.”</p><p>“And that’s okay.”</p><p>Aster reciprocated the comment with a small, but grateful smile. She then made the sudden move of laying down on the blanket, facing the sky as she did so.</p><p>For a brief moment, Ellie just looked at her in confusion, until she finally got the hint and went to lie down next to her.</p><p>“Thank you for writing that letter,” Ellie blurted out after a while.</p><p>Aster closed her eyes at the words, before opening them and responding. “You’re welcome. I think I just... missed you.”</p><p>“It’s impossible to miss someone like me.”</p><p>“It’s impossible to <em>not </em>miss someone like you.”</p><p>“How in the worl-”</p><p>Ellie didn’t even get to finish her sentence as Aster went on. “I’ve never felt so understood in my life as when I was talking to you. You’re... authentic, one of a kind. You’re that one person I needed in my life to get to where I am now. Remember how I told you I was going to be so sure of myself before you left?”</p><p>Ellie nodded, listening with full attention.</p><p>Aster took it as a cue to continue. “I let it all happen, I chose my own path and I haven’t felt this free before. I’m almost there... you know?”</p><p>“What’s still missing?” Ellie asked her after a short silence.</p><p>“<em>Something</em>,” Aster whispered quietly. “Something I hope I will soon find.”</p><p>“I hope you do,” Ellie whispered back. “I really do.”</p><p>“Tell me about your life in Grinnell.”</p><p>Ellie sighed deeply. “I told you everything you need to know in that letter. It’s just... fine. Can we talk about something else?”</p><p>Aster turned to look at her with an intense stare. “We could look at the stars?”</p><p>Ellie nodded, suddenly nervous because of the look Aster gave her. They both faced the night skies, heads full of thoughts.</p><p>“I love that how the more you focus on them, the more appear.” Ellie spoke up.</p><p>“Yeah,” she heard Aster’s voice from beside her. “As a kid I used to count them and always got frustrated when I lost count of it. Whenever that happened, my mom went to watch them with me, counting and counting until I fell asleep. She told me she’d tuck me in after, watching me for several minutes before she knew it was all okay.”</p><p>“That’s adorable,” Ellie laughed softly, before a realization hit her. A heavy sigh left her body. “I wish I still had my mom with me.”</p><p>“You <em>do</em> have her with you,” Aster spoke in a way that Ellie hadn’t heard from her before, but she absolutely loved the way the words impacted her soul. Quite a moment later she noticed how Aster now faced her again, slowly moving her hand to place it near Ellie’s heart. “She’s there. Every step of the way.”</p><p>Ellie got lost in Aster’s eyes after that, totally forgetting how to breathe. After what felt like minutes, she got out of the trance and averted her eyes towards the stars. If she was being honest with herself, she knew she’d fall asleep any second as the exhaustion took over.</p><p>“How about we count the stars?” Ellie asked tiredly, trying to change the subject as she yawned lightly.</p><p>“Yeah, of course." Aster said as quietly as ever. "Are you tired?"</p><p>“Exhausted, actually.”</p><p>“If you do end up falling asleep, I’ll take care of you. So don’t worry, okay?” Aster offered... or well, stated.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Aster listened as Ellie began to count out loud, stealing some glances at her in between. Ellie didn’t even come further than an amount of thirty as Aster noticed how Ellie’s eyes had slowly closed, her head turned towards Aster as her chest slowly, but steadily, moved up and down.</p><p>Aster didn’t hesitate and grabbed another blanket, silently pulling it over the both of them. After a while of watching the girl beside her drift off into a deep sleep, Aster couldn’t help herself from gently stroking her thumb across Ellie’s cheek, admiring the face of the only girl that had ever mattered to her. She didn’t even remember how she quietly moved her head to rest somewhere on between the shoulder and chest of Ellie Chu, but it felt good.</p><p>Aster smiled at herself like she’d never done before. No matter how difficult and nerve-racking it was to take the step to write Ellie, text her today and actually come here, it had all been worth it in the end.</p><p>And deep down she wished, that every day could be like this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a lil update 16/05; i've had a really tough week and i lost the energy to write. i'm working on it now and i hope that within now and a week, i can update a new chapter. thank u guys &lt;3</p><p>i absolutely loved writing this chapter and i hope you enjoyed it. i also made a playlist on spotify based on this story, you can check it out here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1TUClYZCArZnL9TzeK9NOJ?si=mCw06B6aQ5-ddQNH6IHzUA</p><p>thank you for all the support, i love you all. until the next chapter (:</p><p>(i also have a twitter - @reyeskeiy)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. taking the jump</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i apologize in advance for this shitty chapter but i still hope you will like it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the sounds of high-pitched chirping and a soft blowing wind entered Aster’s ears, she slowly opened one eye, before blinking a few times and actually realizing where she was. It didn’t take long for her to remember what had happened, when she felt the body of Ellie Chu beneath her, eyes still closed and breathing slow but steady.</p><p>After a smile had appeared as she watched the girl and shaking herself out of that trance, Aster quickly sat upright, grabbing her phone to check the time. It read <em>5 am</em>.</p><p>She sighed at the time, not knowing what to do. “Dammit.”</p><p>For a while, she just listened, stared around her and beside her, enjoying everything that surrounded her. But she also knew that she told Ellie she’d take care of her and that waiting here for another three hours, wasn’t something she intended to do.</p><p>Not knowing who else to call, she decided to dial her father’s number. It took a good ten seconds before his voice mumbled; <em>“Aster, why are you calling me this early?”</em></p><p>“I... I have a problem.”</p><p><em>“Weren’t you supposed to be with a friend?”</em> she heard her father sigh.</p><p>“I am... but we fell asleep and I don’t feel like waiting here until she wakes up.”</p><p>
  <em>“Can’t you just wake her up?”</em>
</p><p>“No,” Aster whispered. “She’s so exhausted, dad. Can’t you just come pick us up.”</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t you have a car with you?” </em>
</p><p>“How am I supposed to get there without leaving her alone, or carry her without waking her up?</p><p><em>“Unbelievable,” </em>her father mumbled on the other end of the line. “<em>I still think you should just wake her up, but... anything for my only daughter, right?”</em></p><p>“Really?”</p><p>
  <em>“God would want me to,” he said sternly. “I’ll be there in around twenty minutes.”</em>
</p><p>He then ended the phone call and Aster shook her head, already regretting the decision she had made. A good fifteen minutes later, her father arrived at the woods, an annoyed look on his face as he carried Ellie to his car, while Aster walked beside him with her backpack and blankets.</p><p>After placing Ellie onto the passenger’s seat without waking her, he closed the door, facing his daughter as she stood by her own car. “I didn’t know you still had contact with that <em>scene causer</em> at the church.”</p><p>“That was years ago,” Aster sighed. “I’m just catching up with her. And don’t forget she played your services for years.”</p><p>“My daughter hanging around with a <em>heathen</em>, unbelievable,” she heard him mutter underneath his breath, before stepping into the vehicle and driving away.</p><p>His words left a sting in her heart. Aster knew she shouldn’t care, knew he’d know everything one day and that he’d absolutely despise her. Trying to push the thoughts away, Aster started the car, watching the world get ready for a new day as she drove off to her house.</p><p>When arriving at her house, Aster quickly unlocked the door and was immediately met with her father’s eyes staring right through her. She expected yet another lecture, but instead he pointed upstairs. “She’s in your room, still asleep.”</p><p>“Thanks,” she nodded, instantly making her way upstairs to avoid any further contact with him.</p><p>As quietly as possible, she entered the room. She chuckled quietly at the sight of Ellie <em>still</em> sleeping with outdoor clothes still on and, of course, her glasses. Aster didn’t hesitate and made her way over to the girl, carefully removing her glasses and placing them on the nightstand. After also removing Ellie’s shoes, Aster pulled the covers over the girl’s body, smiling contentedly as she looked down at her.</p><p>She left the room with an extra bedcover and pillow, making her way to spend the rest of the morning on the couch.</p><p>--</p><p>Aster woke up for the second time that morning, stretching her arms and groaning before sitting upright. It wasn’t long until she heard her parents bickering in the kitchen, probably setting up a breakfast. Yeah, she really didn’t miss <em>that.</em></p><p>Her mother then appeared in the living room. “Aster?”</p><p>“Mhm?” Aster said, looking up at her mother.</p><p>“Can you wake up your friend? We’re about to have breakfast.”</p><p>She nodded in response, immediately making her way upstairs. Not wanting to storm into the room, she softly knocked on the door. “Ellie?”</p><p>A few seconds later she heard a sleepy voice coming from inside. “Yes?”</p><p>Aster quietly opened the door, peaking her head through the crack. Ellie was sitting on the end of the bed, ready for the day.</p><p>Aster laughed at the sight. “Finally woke up, huh?”</p><p>Ellie returned the laugh and shrugged. “I guess so. How did you even get me here?”</p><p>“Well...” Aster started, walking into the room and sitting down right beside the girl. “It’s a long story.”</p><p>Ellie frowned at that, but decided to let it be. “Thanks for keeping your word.”</p><p>“Of course,” Aster smiled softly, nudging Ellie’s shoulder in the process. “You ready for breakfast?”</p><p>Ellie turned to look at her with wide eyes. “What? Oh... no you don’t have to-”</p><p>“Don’t be silly,” Aster interrupted, waving it off. She stood up, holding out her hand.</p><p>Ellie hesitated for a bit, her gaze switching between Aster’s eyes and hand, before quickly grabbing it.</p><p>Aster motioned at the door, pulling Ellie along with her. “Come on.”</p><p>Aster didn’t know why, but she had to admit that holding Ellie Chu’s hand made her feel more than anyone else ever could before. It was simply... wonderful.</p><p>It’s why an instant feeling of disappointment shot through her body when they arrived downstairs and Ellie let go of her.</p><p>As Aster entered the dining room with Ellie following right behind her, she was met with her parents already sitting at the table, glancing at the both of them sternly.</p><p>"Ha, Ellie Chu." Aster's dad, Deacon, spoke up, as the two girls sat down across from him and his wife. "We're missing you at church."</p><p>Ellie felt herself becoming slightly uncomfortable, but tried to keep it together. "You do?"</p><p>"Of course! You always played perfectly at my services," he said, flashing her a smile.</p><p>One Aster knew wasn't genuine at all.</p><p>"Well... thank you," Ellie responded awkwardly, quickly trying to change the subject. "Thank you for letting me stay here and for... this."</p><p>Both Aster's parents kindly nodded at her before Deacon folded his hands together. "Let's pray first."</p><p>Aster quickly stole a glance at Ellie, who in her turn tried to be as respectful as possible by following the same actions as everyone else at the table.</p><p>Aster couldn't hide the slight rise of the corners of her mouth as she closed her eyes and waited for her father to start his prayer.</p><p>Moments later, he did. "Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen."</p><p>"Amen." It sounded in unison.</p><p>"Bon Appetit."</p><p>Judging stares from the people across from her was all Ellie got. She quietly looked down in embarrassment, tensing at a sudden touch on her thigh.</p><p>As she looked up to see Aster’s reassuring smile, the tense feeling disappeared.</p><p>Breakfast went by quietly, the two girls sharing silent glances that were overflowed with words in between, until Aster's mother decided to break the stillness.</p><p>"So... Ellie," she went on. "Are you still studying?"</p><p>Ellie nodded in response. "Yes, Mrs. Flores. At Grinnell. A little more than a year left until graduation."</p><p>“I wish Aster would’ve chosen the right college,” Mrs. Flores sighed, taking a sip of her coffee as she glared at her daughter.</p><p>The words hurt Aster more than they should have. She looked down devastatingly, trying to hide her emotions.</p><p>“I think she did, though. She’s an amazing artist.”</p><p>Aster’s eyes shot up at the girl beside her, completely in disbelief of how Ellie stood up for her and even argued against her mother.</p><p>“Maybe she is,” the woman went on. “But I don’t think she’ll make it in <em>that</em> world.”</p><p>“Maybe you should have a little more faith in your daughter,” Ellie shot back. “I believe she <em>will</em> make it.”</p><p>Aster waited for her mother’s reaction, but all she did was shrug. The disappointment would never not leave her upset, but at least she had Ellie, who managed to make her feel like she was worth <em>something.</em></p><p>Just when Deacon was about to speak up, the doorbell rang and he quickly excused himself to get the door. Aster had no idea who in their right mind would come to her house in the morning, but when she saw who her father let into the house, she suddenly remembered that not everyone was as clever.</p><p>Then again, she had no idea why Trig Carson was here. From what she recalls, they hadn’t spoken once after the scene at church.</p><p>Even Ellie looked at her with a face that screamed; <em>“what the fuck?”</em></p><p>“Trig!” Aster’s mother exclaimed enthusiastically. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>He patted Deacon on his shoulder and shrugged. “Just wanted to say hi to my favorite family in Squahamish.”</p><p>“How kind of you!” she responded, turning her gaze towards Aster. “Say something to him, Aster.”</p><p>Trig’s bright smile turned into a frown when he noticed that Ellie was there. He pointed between Aster and Ellie. “Wait... are you two really a thing now?”</p><p>All Aster received was a judging stare from her mom and a loud snort of her dad, followed with the words; “What? My daughter is no <em>homosexual</em>.”</p><p>A dreadful silence was all that came from it.</p><p>Deacon glared at his daughter. “Tell him, Aster.”</p><p>But Aster couldn’t tell him. She didn’t know what to do, or what to say. All she could see were the judgemental glances drilling right through her. Before she knew it, she had left her seat, yanking her arm away from Ellie’s grip and making her way out of the house.</p><p>She ran and ran... and ran. She ran all the way across town until she was out of breath. Collapsing onto the ground while trying to catch her breath, she felt how the tears began to fall from her face. Once it started, it didn’t stop.</p><p>“Aster?”</p><p>She looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes as she noticed Ellie looking down at her. Aster quickly looked away, shaking her head. “It’s better if you leave.”</p><p>“And leave you here? Like <em>this?</em> I’m not going to do that.”</p><p>“You should,” Aster shot back, not wanting to admit she actually longed for comfort from the girl.</p><p>“Hey,” Ellie started, crouching down beside her. Aster turned to face her, looking directly into her eyes as she waited for Ellie to continue. “I know how hard this is. You still feel trapped, you still feel like you aren’t living for yourself. But trust me, that time will come.”</p><p>Aster looked away, shaking her head. “I don’t know, Ellie. I can’t ever live my life, knowing my parents would hate me for who I am and who I want to be.”</p><p>“But it’s <em>your</em> life. Just because family’s your blood, doesn’t mean they can make your life choices for you, choose how they want you to be or change things about you. This is <em>your</em> book, <em>you’re</em> the one who’s writing it, <em>you’re</em> the one who decides what happens, how it happens and which path you’re following. Don’t let them take away your dreams or your <em>own person,</em>” Ellie almost pleaded, hopefully waiting for Aster’s reaction.</p><p>Aster stood up, noticing how Ellie did the same as well. Quietly crossing her arms over her chest, she faced Ellie. “What if I can’t do that?”</p><p>“You can,” Ellie spoke softly. “It takes time.”</p><p>Aster looked away once again, nervously licking her lips before asking yet another question. She didn’t know why she did it, but she just needed to hear it. “Did you mean it when you said you believed in me?”</p><p>Ellie flashed her an assuring smile. “Of course I did.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Aster thanked her, not even aware of how she tucked her hair behind her air.</p><p>“Stop that.”</p><p>Aster looked at Ellie wide-eyed. “Stop what?”</p><p>Her breath got stuck in her throat when Ellie took a step closer. Completely frozen, she felt how Ellie gently tucked a strand of hair behind her air, the touch of her fingers lingering on her face once Ellie was done.</p><p>
  <em>“That.”</em>
</p><p>Trying to shake off all those feelings that flowed through her body, Aster came up with a suggestion. “Want to get outta here? I don’t feel like facing my parents today.”</p><p>“That sounds familiar,” Ellie said, a smile appearing on her face as both their minds wandered back to the moment when Aster took Ellie to her favorite place.</p><p>Aster chuckled at that. “I know.” She looked around her, thinking of a good spot. “Do you know a cool spot?”</p><p>Ellie shrugged suggestively. “I mean... there’s an old playground not far from here.”</p><p>“Show me the way, Chu.”</p><p>After a five minute walk, the two arrived at a small but old playground that Aster remembered from her younger years in Squahamish. She wondered if it was a place Ellie used to often visit.</p><p>“Did you come here often as a kid?” she asked, following Ellie as she sat down on the swing next to the girl.</p><p>“Actually... not really,” Ellie responded, swinging her legs as she looked down at the ground. “My dad barely took me anywhere.”</p><p>“Ah,” Aster nodded, looking down as well. “That must’ve sucked.”</p><p>Ellie looked up at her as if she came to some sort of realization. “I think I enjoyed it... being at home with him. Even though we rarely ever talked, it just felt like home.”</p><p>“That’s all that matters, right?”</p><p>Ellie nodded firmly at the comment and that was all Aster needed as a confirmation. She looked up at the sky, a feeling of joy and understanding washing over her anytime her thoughts wandered off to the girl beside her.</p><p>A sudden movement next to her, shook Aster out of her thoughts. She looked behind her, wondering what the hell Ellie was going to do. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“Look forward,” Ellie jokingly ordered. “I’m going to push you.”</p><p>Aster laughed lightly, turning her head forward as she felt Ellie softly starting to push her back. “What do you want me to do... jump?”</p><p>“I mean...” Ellie started as she gave her another soft push. “If you want to, go for it.”</p><p>“Then I’m gonna do it,” Aster exclaimed. Deep down she was scared of accidentally hurting herself though.</p><p>After a few more presses against her back, Aster felt like it was high enough to take a jump. Ellie’s over-enthusiastic squealing seemed to agree to it.</p><p>“Take that jump!”</p><p>For some reason, those words felt like a metaphor to Aster.</p><p>Without hesitating any longer, she pushed herself off the swing and landed on the ground within a span of less than a second. It was rather... dissatisfying.</p><p>Only then, she realized that she'd scratched her arm lightly, wincing at the feeling.</p><p>“Aster, are you okay?”</p><p>Aster rolled onto her back as she was met with Ellie’s concerned eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. “It’s just a scratch, Ellie. It’s fine.”</p><p>“Hush,” Ellie jokingly scoffed at her. “I’m just worried about you.”</p><p>She lowered herself to Aster and held out her hands. “Here, let me help you get up.”</p><p>But Aster didn’t want to get up. She wanted to do what she had been longing to do ever since she decided on writing Ellie. For once, she didn’t feel like others were watching, like she’d be judged, or afraid of rejection from the girl she liked. It was time to be<em> bold.</em></p><p>She grabbed the collar of Ellie’s shirt and pulled her down to press their lips together. She feels how Ellie is in complete shock for a moment, before the girl finally reciprocates the kiss. It takes Aster back to their first kiss. A magical feeling; one that had been missing in her life. <em>It all came back now.</em></p><p>Aster gently placed her hands on the sides of Ellie’s face, getting up from the ground and pulling her closer to deepen the kiss. Was this the feeling they always talked about in books? Because it certainly was a feeling that Aster wanted to last. Maybe the saying was right... sometimes you just had to take that jump, to get what you want.</p><p>Ellie pulled away first, her breath lingering on Aster’s lips as her eyes moved up to the brunette’s. “<em>Wow</em>.”</p><p>They both started laughing. Aster still held onto Ellie’s face, trying to bring their faces together again, only to be interrupted by the loud clear of a throat.</p><p>Both girls looked at where the sudden noise came from, embarrassment taking over them as they saw a mother and her child standing there. <em>Caught red-handed.</em></p><p>“Could you two take that somewhere else?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i'm sorry for the long wait )':<br/>mental health is at its worst during this pandemic... but thank mother nature i got this chapter done. also, pls give me some suggestions on how to continue the story because my inspiration is lacking atm. as always, thank you for reading &lt;3<br/>ps: also i know a deacon is some sort of catholic priest but yknow just thought i'd give aster's dad that name so i wouldn't have to come up with anything else lol<br/>(follow the story playlist if you haven't already: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1TUClYZCArZnL9TzeK9NOJ?si=vmtJqgWCTPiEchku68VAtA)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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